i’m insecure,jealous,hard headed,sometimes i think the worse,and i overthink
and torture myself over and over and over
questioning myself, i am also a push over and i care way too much about what others think.. sometimes i forget that this is my only life and that i wont have another i cant have another chance to be that girl everyone always liked whos happy and soo so pretty.
all i want is to find someone who can see that i do have these flaws and yes they suck and i will and do need to work on them , but love me anyways?
for the fact that.. i always care about the others well being,i always wanna make someone happy and smile and i get sad when i don’t and all i wanna do is cuddle and kiss and be sweet and cute and tell things and just trust and feel safe..
i want someone who makes me smile so hard and tells me
(even though i might not be the prettiest girl in the world and i know)
but tells me i’m beautiful
i just hope he feels better too
i wish i could take back yesterday.
we were just fine until i opened my mouth.
me and mark will last a long time i know it.
maybe not forever,but a long time <3
Growing up i had no emotional support nothing,i felt and was told i was worthless and its really hard for me too break out of it.. how do i? i mean i can’t make my boyfriend be sweet to me all the time even though i need it to make myself feel better & cared about… its like when hes sweet to me i feel cared about then when hes not i feel like i did something wrong,which is just silly i know he cares about me i mean i know it but i just..idk thats horrible that im like this… because it causes me being upset at him and then myself for seeing how unreasonable im being.. and then i think to myself i can’t admit this problem i have because i dont want him to leave me for it..
i care about him so much,i just know sometimes i get upset over silly things like him not being sweet..
i cant make him be all the emotional things i needed growing up..
but idk wat to u? how do i make myself feel better without being dependent on someone..
its hard. its hard for me to move on when everything my family told me i took to heart and i know i shouldn’t … but i wanna get better because it makes me mad at myself and makes me upset that i was showing my weakness to mark, he truly does make me happy and i told him things i never told anyone and he knows things others don’t and i trust him, i dont wanna lose him because of my issues
overall he is a good boyfriend.
This move will help me i know it.. i’m sure i’l grow up emotionally
my mom got me scared of life,more then ready for it..
i’m just hoping he sticks around for a long time
i sorted threw all my clothes and im basically ready..
but yeah im excited to leave & give him kisses
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Anonymous asked: youre blog made me cry. youre really brave for being so straight forward with your hpv. i know i have it too but ive never been to the doctor with it.. how old are you if you dont mind me asking? do you think we could possibly talk sometime or something? Awh thank you <3 and im 17. and we shld |
I have to sort out things out i wanna take to az or not
im holding it off to watch a movie,because my lazyness is kicking in
i have to clean as well sorta things so its gonna suck,
so i decided & promised myself after i watch a movie online
i’ll do it. because i have too
I’m not going to dwell on HPV anyone,i don’t need just a blog about it..
This blog is going to just be my life. that’s it nothing specific
just the good,great,horrible times, hpv is not a curse or something horrid
its a road bump,i know i’m going to have a great life.. HPV or Not
i’ve always been such a baby,never had to do anything for myself if i didn’t want too,my mom didn’t teach me anything,i’m mature for my age in some parts and in others i’m such a whinny little girl, i don’t know how my town is like a hell hole for me, i feel like i have all my little demons here everything thats ever happened here that was wrong totally overcomes the good,the only good thing is i lived a carefree life material wise and somewhat emotionally but what i noticed about other kids is the simplest thing i didn’t know about life,never really had alot of friends,nor tons of boyfriends,didn’t have a brother or sister to look up too, my mother is a single mom who mostly delt with my brother whos 28 and has no job etc.
Going to AZ i will have to fight off my childish emotions and urges,i know i shouldn’t rush to be an adult and i’m not trying too but i feel like i see myself sitting on this computer a year some now doing nothing,i mean ive done this for 2 years already, az means i get to be in a beautiful city with a boy and friends i care about, working 4 days a week for 8 hours each day for my 200 rent a month,plus my mom should send money i shouldn’t be so worried right? well my reasons for being worried are kinda childish , i’m worried about how “what if i want something?” and i can’t buy it because i need to save,well if i lived in NC i could buy it,my mom would.. you see i shouldn’t do that, and how i will be sleeping on a couch not a bed,or what if i get sick? my mom wont be there to take me, Point is i know it could suck SO bad because id be working and not have a room to myself, but id benefit a lot more doing this then staying here, doing nothing because i have no motivation at all
i just need support<3
Instead of visiting I’M MOVING TO AZ i get to be with mark and get in a city like i always dreamed of… i’ll finely get out of my depressed state :P
il be working alot,and prob wont update as much but il be so happy!
I’ve been on a weird sleepin schedule like i sleep from like 7pm-3 or 4am, but yeah i miss mark,i rather sleep on skype with him then sleep by myself. i feel better.
